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| Bottoms up! Reunions are all about old friends, great memories, and booze. Lots and lots and LOTS of booze. |
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Reunions are one of the most cherished occasions in the Stutts calendar. Like spawning salmon armed with weapons, each June thousands of graduates stream back to Great Littleton to reminisce, reconnect with old friends, and engage in some good-natured vandalism.
Every part of the Stutts community joins in the celebration, from Buildings and Grounds making sure the campus has been liberally coated with a urine-resistant polymer, to the Geology Department agreeing not to press charges when its entire faculty is kidnapped, to President Whitbread's dragging out the same old speech he always gives. For one magical weekend, all of Stutts is one, big, happy, drunken, violent, comatose, hungover, surly, and finally remorseful family.
"Looks like a beer-nado hit it”
Much of Great Littleton's rather tumble-down condition is due to the cumulative effect of centuries of reunions. And no wonder: since the institution was founded, Classes have competed to see which one could cause the most damage in a two-day period, with points being deducted for arrests, injuries, and deaths. Though the University cannot formally acknowledge this contest for insurance reasons, the University has worked tirelessly to keep on good relations with the officers of the Great Littleton Police Department. But even Stutts' budget is not unlimited, and returning alums may occasionally encounter officers that do not take their celebration in the right spirit. As a result, the Stutts Law School is providing pro-bono legal services for the entirety of Reunion Weekend.
Come, Ye Sons and Daughters…
…of Stutts, so strong and true! 'Neath the bowers of Great Littleton, we'll save a space for you!" Alumni interested in receiving information about this year's reunions should contact the Department of Nostalgia. They will be happy to send you our mammoth reunion packet, which includes tips on many topics, including: how to appear more successful than you really are; how to avoid people you once gave an STD; how to tamp down that ol' "wasted life" feeling; and how to explain “this whole Stutts thing” to your spouse. We hope to see you in Great Littleton!
