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The world would be a wonderful place if everyone's parents were wealthy enough to give their children the gift of a Stutts education. Fortunately, most of our students fall into this category. But you shouldn't say “no” to Stutts, just because you can’t stand on your own two feet.
“Need-Blind”
Since 1982, Stutts has pursued a “need-blind” policy towards admission. Simply put, this means we will admit you no matter how much debt you would have to incur, should you decide to attend. This policy has made a glorious Stutts education available to all! It has also increased the debt-load of the average graduating senior to a whopping $223,000. People must really want to go here, huh? Of course they do.
Price upon request
When Stutts opened its doors, a semester’s tuition was just “six chikens, and a barrel of Strong Sydar.” But times (and spelling habits) have changed. Now, the bill is so steep that we aren’t allowed to tell you the price. Our insurers won’t allow it, after several parents suffered massive heart attacks and died, right on the spot. There's no denying it: like a mink or a Bentley, Stutts is a luxury. Like most luxuries, if you have to ask, you probably can't afford it.
Magicians of money
That’s the bad news. The good news is, there are more ways than ever to pay for a Stutts education. Though we no longer take livestock or alcoholic beverages (as the campus humor magazine knows), our Financial Aid Office is constantly innovating, coming up with new ways for students to pay. The latest gambit? Multiple identities. John Q. Student maxed out his loans? No problem—have Stu Q. Johndent get some more. As far as the Federal Government knows, we have over 372,000 undergrads currently enrolled here at Stutts. They’ll catch on, sooner or later—but by the time you arrive in the fall, the Financial Aid Office will have developed new and better ways to mortgage your future for the best four years of your life. Organ harvesting, indentured servitude, counterfeiting—the solution is as unique as the student.
Don't wait
The cost of living is always on the rise, and Stutts tuition is no exception; double-digit jumps are common. But if you apply RIGHT NOW, you can lock in tuition at today’s rate, before it goes up again. Don’t let rising interest rates make the college decision for you—apply today.
