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| 4am, again: Stutts graduate students need high intelligence, lots of drive, and an infinite capacity for self-delusion. |
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Graduate admission to Stutts comes down to answering one question: if we didn't admit you as an undergraduate, why should we admit you now?
There are as many answers to this question as there are successful applicants. One penned a bestselling play in her own menstrual blood. Another pulled off an impressive jewel heist starring George Clooney. Removable nipples, a cheap alternative to the world's energy problems, an ointment that makes you fly--the only limit is your imagination.
Pointless Abuse
Of course, if you had one of those, you be doing something more interesting than going to grad school. For a few of you, a Master's or Doctorate is the only way to slake your bizarre-yet-clearly-genuine thirst for arcana. For others, it's a necessary next step towards gainful employment as a doctor, lawyer, or indian chief. But for most of you, graduate school is a colossal, crushingly expensive mistake. But that's your affair, not ours.
Oh, But You’re Different
If you're looking for a way to put off adulthood, keep yourself from trying something scary and new, or an escape from a hostile job market, by all means apply. We get a bottomless supply of people to teach our students, grade our papers, tuckpoint campus buildings, even test out dangerous new medications. And the best thing is, you pay us for the privilege! Hot d@mn!
So apply. Just don't expect to get in.
