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| Slumber, jackanape: A Medieval Poetry Ph.D. sleeps outside of last year’s ALA conference, dreaming of a tenure-track position. |
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As a signatory of the 2001 Student Human Rights Accords, Stutts discourages graduate study in the humanities. Like a growing number of institutions worldwide, we believe that it is a colossal waste of time and money for all but those very few who go on to careers in the academic world. While we will continue to offer programs to siphon cash from those unwise enough to enroll, we are committed to discouraging this behavior whenever possible through inadequate stipends, execrable housing, and no possibility of post-graduate employment.
The human cost
Of course, it is a person’s right to learn as much as they choose about whatever they choose, in whatever manner they choose to do it. However we feel that the world does not need—indeed, may not be able to withstand—the ever-increasing flood of wankery that comes from the collision of academically trained brains with dead-end, nowhere jobs. Do we need any more comic book reviews that reference Derrida? Being a barista is a noble profession—until you insist on subjecting the bleary morning rush crowd to your favorite slab of "musique concrete.”
No room at the top
The problem stems from advances in medical technology. Once installed in a tenured position, there is nothing left but death; positions do not open for decades. With genetic medicines and body part replacement, the wait is likely to grow to a century or more. Without a shattering global pandemic or a really efficient serial killer specializing in men with beards, there will never be enough faculty jobs to support the endless tide of students determined to keep being students.
Our pledge
As part of the international Accord mentioned above, Stutts is committed to reducing the number of baristas with Ph.D’s by 50% in the next twenty years.
